my conditions 5/12/09

Hi everyone, it's been a rough couple of weeks. I got caught up in a lot of things, haven't been on computer that much. I said I would write every 1 to 2 weeks, I'll try to stay on track from this point. Well here goes.....from middle of April till now, many things have happened. I got a real scare a week ago, I couldn't raise my hand to my mouth to eat. I learned another way, I raised my hand and my mouth met it half way....Actually it was pretty funny, it also worked well for me. My left hand won't open wide enough to lift a cup/glass, I have to push it on like a wrench.
I've been in extreme pain in my neck and shoulders lately. When I raise my arm up and out to reach, the pain goes center in my neck. I can still do some stretching, walking is becoming limited, although I have good and bad days. Keeping busy with things around the house, trying not to dwell on things to much, I know my strength is progressively failing. I've been feeling very tired lately, it seems to be a gradual weakness. Buttoning, zippering, etc.. you have one real shot to do it before you run out power, then you need help to finish (I think I explained it right?) I've had some emotional times, last week my daughter asked me to push her on the tire swing, I told her I couldn't, I almost cried. While relaxing on the hammock with my daughter she asked me how old I was. I felt that was an unusual question, I told her 49, but then she looked like she was getting ready to cry? I asked her what was wrong, she asked me if I was going to die, she cried out and said daddy I don't want you to die.... I asked why she felt this, she said I seemed to be getting old fast. I told her no one was dying right now and we all die someday, only God knows that. I told her dying was not a bad thing, some die young some old, we get to go to heaven and be angels. Well I was cautious to say too much and concerned about missing an opportunity to ease some future pain and suffering. She seemed to be content with what I said. Then she asked if she would be an angel someday, I said we're all angels in training now. This week I fell three times, two were from squatting down pick up something up, I fell uncontrollably backwards. The other one was going up stairs, six stairs up I lost my footing, fell forward and straight down the stairs. It felt like I was in a three stooges movies the way it happened. I've been escaping to be alone at times, not from anyone, but a need for solitaire. I go into the garage turn the music up or getting some peace and relaxation from laying out on the hammock. Looking up at the trees and the sky, you're able to block everything out. My youngest daughter's go cart is finally finished with the help of my nephew. She was so excited she asked if I wanted to ride with her down the hill. I paused for a couple of minutes, was afraid I wouldn't be able to get up. Well I stepped out in faith and I'll tell you, (What a ride, good old soap box). My daughter's face lit up, she loved it! Well that's it for now, keep my family in your prayers. Pleas come back from time to time for updates. I'm working on some of my secret recipes, very tasty, you'll love them. Starting some new pages "Lets laugh together", "In my opinion", rewriting "what's it like to die", I want to fine tune it, separate it with "Dying with ALS/MND". Some new pixs are coming, family, friends, things of interests, you'll love them. Also don't forget to pop in on "recommended websites", @ tomorrowisnotmine.com lots of new items, issues and views. As a final note; I asked God to bless, protect and heal all who enters my site, so pass it on......