My conditions 08/31/09

I seem to be holding out, trying to stay focus through this trying time in my life. I'm doing my best not to complain, knowing its always easy to thank god when things are at their best, easy to smile and sing. Now its my time to be tested with all that I believe, to show God I 'm worthy and greatfull even in bad times. Trying to find good in everything that is, smiling when you know deep down you want to cry and scream. I'm keeping my eyes on what I can still do, not on what I can't. Keeping my faith in God, that no matter how turns out, and that it is part of a bigger plan. I keep saying God your will be done not mine, never giving up hope that this can all change, but standing brave in the mist of adversity. My next update will be September 11, my birthday................

my conditions 08/18/09

As I see different things happening, it reminds me that the hard part has yet to come. My arms and hands are becoming more and more difficult to lift and hold. When I type, I have to keep switching hands it hurts so much. I can barely lift my arms off the table. What it tells me is my arms and hands are shutting down. I can hardly speak at this point, it's starting to get a little scary.
The lesson learned this week is there are two ways of dealing with things: accepting and reality. Accepting is based on surrendering all your emotions, thoughts, and abilities. As an example, as the disease progresses, you begin to fight and think in desperation. When your muscles are weakening, what's left is to do exercises to strengthen your muscles, but to exercise speeds up the progression. So, now it becomes surrendering to the disease to stay alive as long as possible. Now, you start thinking beyond your normal thoughts and comprehension of ways to stop or slow down the inevitable. What's left are prayers, support, and faith that somehow you won't face the same conclusion as many others. Your hope and prayers are based on technology, support from the many people around you, and the hope that God will have mercy on you and heal you.
So, as a final thought, reality is based on what you see, and what you're told. When someone tells you what will happen and how it's going to end, and when you find yourself being the one it's going to happen to, it is a whole different awakening. The only thoughts you're left with are staying alive, preparing legalities, and comforting your loved ones around you.
As it's written, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

my conditions 08/06/09

Hi everyone, I'm still smiling! thank God, he's been giving me the strength to endure all of this, even so, I grateful it's not all bad all of the time. My strategy up to this point is remain calm, don't give up my inner peace. The peace inside, (we all have) that rationalizes every feeling, all the facts and the odds. I found when you be yourself, people either like you or they don't. Holding on to yourself in times of adversity heightens all your sensors, which creates a sense of priority you need, to sort out all negativity, (this desease) in direct. It's been hard to smile all the time, but most of the time it's more to deflect feelings and information coming at you. I've been trying to stay focused on the progression of this desease, because if you don't always do what the doctor said, it creates moments where you can no longer do the things you need to do. As an example; My therapist told me to do range of motion exercises, I failed to see the priority to do them right away, which caused my shoulders to freeze up and now at the slightest wrong move turned into the most excuciating pain. If I only did it sooner the pain would have been delayed. There's an old saying " forgive me, while I put my stupid face on". My therapst said,
"it's quite a fickle you got yourself in" and ladies and gentlemen, that speaks a thousand words. "Toseigh" Erin in occupational at the VA. Now I'm asking all of you and people you might know, Beware, learn to do and not always just listen. I have something to share, my seven year old daughter is now helping. Today at church she grabbed my hand and lead me to my seat and with that I was smiling all the way to my seat(proud and over joyed). As far as anything new; The ability to walk and stand, is becoming more difficult. I've still been falling unexpectingly and most of the time without warning. Since that last fall, my wife will not let me walk to much on my own. My wife has now took over the showering, dressing, feeding, I'm not able to on my own.
My ability to shave and brush my teeth are comng to end, my arms are weaking and not able to reach or raise up anymore. My wife keeps up with my medicine. It's through the feeding tube now, I can't swallow my pills anymore, they get caught in the flem build up. My speech is becoming ever more hard to understand. I'll be updating my website with a new things in the
next few days. To those who been trying me, I'm sorry for not getting back to you, I haven't been on lines for longer periods lately. Well I need to sign off now, I'm getting tired, come back and pass it on, (my web site). If I can help one person with what have shear, it all worth it me.