my conditions 10/30/09

at this time i'd like to talk about my thoughts and things i learned. first of all, you'll notice no capital letters, but it's me typing, so please excuse me. i'd like to start with these words; pride, patience, shame and digniity. couple of days ago i fell, and the sad thing about it if i had waited the outcome would have been different. then to make matters worst, help was offered and me through a bad thing called pride, i got hurt a painfull lesson. at this time i can no longer shower or go to the bathroom on my own and it has really affected my dignity. shame is word that only comes, when we are drawn or taken out of the bounderies we all keep. my shame and dignity came to meet me, my wife has been doing everything from giving me a shower to wiping my butt, even though she is my wife it was still hard. well i came to grip with my stupidity and my love for my wife became even more stonger. now unfortunately my wife has become over whelmed so a care giver is assigned to help out. this situtation, (although welcomed and very much needed) is very difficult, to have a total stranger giving me showers and most of all assisting in my toletary. so that's pretty much it for now, the next diary update will be in two weeks. thanks to my friend chucky for building a special table now i'm able to type again. [ note;] some new things coming to my website; www.tomorrowisnotmine.com check it out and pass it on...........

my conditions 09/11/09

Hi everyone. It's been a very tough month of September. I really thought that my sickness was slowing down, but I was wrong. I really tried to type my diary, but my hands would not allow me to. Right now, I can only lift my arms 2-4 inches off the table and my fingers are almost totally frozen up. Right now I have my step-daughter typing for me, because I really tried to, but I couldn't anymore. As for my conditions they are as follows: my breathing is becoming difficult, because the flem is building up a lot in my throat. My ability to speak is also been affected. Just recently pulsating in my legs have increased and my ability to stand and walk are diminishing greatly. The doctors and my therapist have been great in helping and comforting me. I try to stay positive and upbeat, but the pain sometimes has been unbearable. My pain medicine has been increased to a point where I can tolerate it. For a while my weight was an issue so they increased my water intake which now wakes me up every night to go to the bathroom, I never thought I can pee that much. The ramp was put in recently which allowed me to move my wheelchair upstairs. Next week I will be receiving a breathing machine and a coughing machine, hopefully that will make things easier.