my conditions 12/03/09

At this time,  it's been all about staying alive and  asking God to show his mercy with me. It's very hard to
keep a positive attitude lately. I've reached a point where I can't walk, talk, lift my arms, eat or drink anything [other than the feeding tube], I now have a caregiver giving me showers, tending to my hygiene. The biggest issue I have is the excessive phlegm. I'm constantly using the suction machine and spitting up. Sometimes the phlegm  gets caught in my throat, it literally blocks my airway, and it feel a rope around my neck. The sad thing about this  week I having  a hard time finding any  good coming out of all pain, misery and dying